4 posts tagged “time capsule”

You know when you go out on friday night, which makes the whole weekend seem like a billion times longer?

well Jasmine had her farewell on friday, I met her after work for drinks at the hotel where she works. Then we met the girls at Crystal Bar, Martin place, and had pizza, cheese and a really nice L'Abruzzo red. Afterward we went to Martin Place bar for more cocktails and dancing to Mickey J. I can't believe the king of pop is really gone. If anyone ever asks me what I was doing the nightMichael Jackson died, I can tell them I was dancing to 'Blame it on the Boogie' in a bar in Martin Place. We got home around midnight, and then...

Saturday

Anna and I did a massive clean of the house - vaccuum, mopping, laundry, everything - so that my parents will come home to a really nice tidy house on wednesday. We went out for coffee at Centennial Park cafe, which has such a nice view, it's really been designed to make the best of the landscape.

Sunday
Anna and I had breakfast at Spicer Street Cafe in Woollahra, which was quite nice, I preferred her egg and bacon roll with cheddar and mayonaise to my organic porridge with strawberries, brown sugar and rhubarb, since mine was a bit too cold.
Afterward, I read the paper and had a nap, and then I met Celia for dinner.

We had thai, and OMG they have fortune cookies now! mine said:

a thrilling time is in your immediate future

woohoo! I hope they mean good thrilling, not bad thrilling!

I found this questionnaire I completed back in December 2003 (on my old blog). I thought it would be interesting to fill it out again, in a different colour alongside my original answers, and see how much has changed in just less than 5 years...

I AM: Rosie a graduate student, but I'm still just plain old Rosie

I WANT: happiness a lot more than I did at 19

I HAVE: a wonderful boyfriend lost my faith in humanity!

I WISH: I didn't do such dumb stuff sometimes life was easier, but then when would you know what happiness was like?

I HATE: that I never forget an insult how negative and cynical I can be!

I MISS: my guineapigs being naive and unaware

I FEAR: that I will become more bitter and evil the older I get not only being bitter and evil (already done that part, LOL, but also being utterly alone. Or even worse, with someone completely wrong for me.)

I HEAR: hey ya by Outkast the sound of my rabbit walking around his cage

I SEARCH: for what is missing in my life for everlasting love and inspiration (no luck yet folks) 

I WONDER: how other people see me where I will be 5 years from now? 

I REGRET: not seeing the truth earlier NOTHING! haha! in reality, just nothing I can write here. Cough. 

I LOVE: my boyfriend, my family and my friends - and starbucks caramel frappucchino! My rabbit more than life itself 

I ALWAYS: put on mascara before I leave the house look at attractive men and wonder if they're gay, attached, or just plain jerks! 

I AM NOT: a person who has high self esteem the same person I was five years ago, and I will not settle. Ever. 

I DANCE: like no one is watching when I have been drinking! <--- still true! 

I SING: when I'm driving in the car or when people can't hear me <--- Still true!! and how!

I CRY: easily when I have my period when I watch animal rescue 

I AM NOT ALWAYS: honest, but I try! motivated or positive but I don't care any more, haha! 

I WRITE: romantic short stories in secret! a lot less than I used to, unless it's professional or uni related things 

I WIN: arguments with my boyfriend about which movie we'll watch ebay sales when I use e-snipe. Heh!   

I LOSE: arguments with my boyfriend about how things happened the battle of self control vs. tiramisu 

I CONFUSE: people when I speak quickly pretty much everyone I think!

I NEED: lots of affection and hugs to find a partner who will reaffirm my faith in humanity overall and men more specifically. (Good luck with that one, future boyfriend!) 

I SHOULD: go to the gym more often drink less, exercise more and be more diplomatic.

Having read over my answers, I realised with just a bit of sadness, that I have gotten more bitter and evil the older I get. I'm not sure if it was inevitable. Certainly it's not all bad - I think you do need to know how to protect yourself emotionally, but... it will take a very very special person to bring me back into that vulnerable place. If I ever feel that way again.

I know this will sound stupid, and I totally need to learn how to take my own advice but...you can't rely on getting happiness from others. It has to be generated from yourself. So I try to do things every day that will make me happy. Tiramisu, caramel macchiato or frap. Cuddling my baby Willum (obviously not all of them every single day, jeebles, I'm not THAT huge yet!).

It's not like I'm miserable, it's just there's an absence of happy. It's not like I'm depressed about some loser ex, because I'm not. It's just that life is so boring right now. It's full of repetition and just a lot of things that I don't WANT to do, but being an adult is just dealing with it. It's going to work every day and being full of chirpy small talk. It's being relentless with a budget, and not buying those shoes just because you feel like it. It's dealing with the emotional consequences of your behaviour and how that effects your relationships.It's doing things you really have no interest in for the sake of qualifications that may or may not get you a job, and for the sake of experience and patience and diplomacy. It's wanting a serious relationship, great sex, an engagement ring, and a new house to move into, but being a realist enough to want it with the right person and being prepared to wait for that, rather than rushing into it with someone who's not the perfect fit or who I just 'think' is the right one.
And when it comes to relationships anyway, are we ever anything other than blind? do we really ever see things for what they truly are? I'm not sure that I'm ready to find out for sure.

And in the meantime, life will just go on, being boring, me posting letters on the way home from work, eating dinner, dragging the rabbit out from behind the sofa where he's being a selfish antisocial little bastard (lol) staying up late unable to sleep and reading silly books that give me unrealistic wishes about relationships, and then waking up late the next morning feeling stressed and like I haven't accomplished anything. 

But then there are the moments you live for too - like being the only person around on a morning jog, and seeing five adult ducks swimming in formation around three tiny yellow baby ducklings. Or when willum finally comes out and nudges you until you cuddle him close, or he licks your nose to show you he loves you, and suddenly, all the small talk and the budgets and the lack of serious relationship don't seem so bad afterall!

I've been thinking about this a lot recently, being as how I'm single now and all - what exactly am I looking for? have I got unreasonable expectations in terms of relationships?

I swear, the people at my uni are somewhat retarded. I really want to do masters. Either masters of modern history, or masters of museum studies. So, here is me, calling up and asking whether I qualify (since you need to apply through an outside organisation) and whether I need to tell my uni before I apply. And I go around and around and around, speaking to the same people over and over, and no one knows anything! like do I trust these people to assist me get a postgraduate degree?

I think I'll just have to apply and speak to them afterward. It might help if I knew what I wanted to research as my thesis/dissertation wouldn't it?

After I do masters, I think I want to move overseas to europe. And when I move there, I want to do a PhD. I've always wanted to be called Dr Rosie Shaw, LOL. (Isn't that a stupid reason to do 2 years or more of study?)

I'm tagging this as nostalgia, so that when I read this 5 years from now (Hi old self! you should be getting married in 1 year from now according to that psychic you went to for your 19th birthday!) I can laugh at my naivette. Ha! you thought you'd live in europe when really you can barely afford some bogan town inland in Australia! (dude, I don't blame you, and I'm not laughing at you - just saying.)

Ok, I'm going to stop now being as how I'm talking to my older self 5 years from the future. LOL